3 Topics Over Dinner - Dinner Discussion Group

3 Topics Over Dinner - NYC - 3TopicsOverDinner



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Organizer: Bill Chapman

Sunday, August 9th, 2026, 6:00 PM
Click here to register for the event.
Location: Chote Nawab Indian Restaurant
115 Lexington Ave (& 28th St), Murray Hill.
A menu is here.

3 Topics Over Dinner is a dinner discussion group that meets on weekends. Links to articles or videos on the internet about 3 Topics, usually unrelated to one another, are posted on the event listing. Attendees read the articles (and other sources if they so wish) or watch the videos to be discussed over dinner. The idea is to be similar to a book club, only with far less reading. The idea is that this required reading / video viewing will be less than about 2 hours.

We go to a different nationality restaurant every month, and always restaurants that will do separate checks for a large group, so everyone can pay with their own credit card and we don't have to figure out how to split the check. The restaurants are chosen to be quiet and nice, but not extremely exorbitant. A link to the menu of the restaurant, with prices listed, will always be provided on the announcement.

The restaurants chosen will always be in Manhattan, 77th St or further south.

RSVP's will be limited to have about 8 people at dinner, small enough that everyone can hear one another and we can conduct a single conversation.

The group has been going roughly once a month since 2008. It was formed on meetup.com and has shifted to Eventbrite, and now luma.

A $5.00 deposit is required to RSVP. This deposit is refunded in cash ten minutes after the event starts. No-shows and latecomers forfeit their deposit.

We desperately need to get away from our screens and talk with each other in person.

"When people actually meet and get to know each other ... what Lincoln called those ‘better angels’ come out. People start recognizing themselves in each other and they start trusting each other, and that’s not just the basis for democracy, but that’s the basis for our long-term salvation." -- Barack Obama

Past Events


Sunday, July 19th Topic:
3 Ways in Which Twentysomethings Are Screwed,
and "Capitalism" Isn't The Problem


The Dating Market is Broken




70 years ago, most people didn't sleep together without getting married first, and most people managed to get married. The guys who were 9 out of 10's married women who were 9's, the guys who were 2's married women who were 2's, and most people got somebody.

Then contraception became widely available and it became socially acceptable to sleep around. There was an assumption that both genders wanted the same thing out of sex, but that assumption was completely wrong. While many straight men found sex with not-very-attractive strangers quite appealing, women were much more choosy in their partners (that goes for most animals, not just humans), and were completely uninterested in sex without quite a lot of romantic commitment.

Polls show that while men rate 50% of women's looks as "below average", women rate 80% of men's looks "below average".

The most attractive (whatever that means) men generally find, at some point, that it isn't feasible to end relationships with female bed partners without inflicting enormous amounts of emotional pain on them. The ethical men respond to this by committing to someone and leaving the sexual marketplace. The unethical ones, who shall be referred to as "heart breakers", continue from woman to woman, indifferent to the suffering they are dishing out.

If people meet through friends, heart breakers reap a lot of negative social consequences. But online dating services are a heart breaker's paradise. He can pursue women he wouldn't even want to be seen with in front of his friends, let alone commit to, then wine, dine, bed, and discard them without consequences.

This means that an average woman, who is a 5 out of 10, will occasionally have flings with fellows who are 8's or 9's out to 10, wonder why none of them are willing to commit, and she will let the years go by, running down her biological clock, waiting for an 8 or 9 who is willing to commit to come along, unaware of the fact that this is guaranteed to never happen.

In the meantime, a guy who is a 5 out of 10 with the best of intentions will send email after email to women on dating services, pouring his heart out, without getting any replies.

Polls show that over one-third of Gen Z adults have never been on a romantic date.


Women's Marriage Rate, 1900-2018

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that young women are outperforming men scholastically. Women receive about 60% of bachelor's degrees, men 40%.

People are giving up. Many women have children out of wedlock rather than settling for the sort of men who'd be quite happy to marry them, meaning that the children will grow up with step parents, who are often problematic, or without the example of a healthy romantic relationship in the home, and many sons may grow up without masculine role models. Many men get "red pilled", joining misogynistic online communities.


The Universities are Broken



College has become far too expensive. We've experienced runaway inflation in college tuition and the cost of textbooks. Young people are graduating with staggering debt that will take them many years to pay off, and student loan debt can't be discharged through bankruptcy.

The government's response has been to guarantee student loan debt through Sallie Mae, but this is just throwing money at the problem without any attempt to curtail costs, with the predictable inflation resulting.

Until the 1970's, young, pre-college children were "free range kids", allowed to roam the neighborhood unsupervised on the condition that they were home before dark.

In the 1980's, someone had the brilliant idea that the pictures of "missing" children should be displayed on milk cartons. Most of the kids shown had been abducted by their biological parents who had lost custody through divorce. These parents loved the kids and were taking great care of them, but most people assumed that all of the milk carton kids (and there were many) had been abducted by perverts, molested, and murdered.

Parents across the nation were terrified, thinking there were child molesters lurking on every city block, and society radically changed child-rearing so that children were raised under constant supervision, and it's been that way ever since.

18-year-old students arrive in college without any experience at resolving disputes without adult supervision, so universities hire armies of "administrators" who aren't teaching anything, just to supervise the kids. That's expensive.

Another problem is that the US News and World Report ranking of colleges does not in any way measure whether the kids have learned anything. Some college students take standardized tests like GRE's their senior year, but only those students going to grad school, so it's not a representative sample. As a result, schools are rated mostly on the basis of the research they do, rather than their teaching, and it's hard for affordable non-research teaching colleges to get credit.

There are many ways a person can learn independently, especially on the Internet, but it's hard to show that learning in any way that employers can easily evaluate. An employer can ask questions on a job interview about specific job skills, but it's difficult for an employer to assess general learning. If someone were to administer tests of general learning, something like a GRE, and make scores available to employers, it would be likely that performance would vary by demographic, as it does for SAT's and GRE's, and then using it would open the employer up for discrimination lawsuits, and the burden of proof would be on the employer to establish that the test performance would be relevant to job performance, a burden that is nearly impossible to meet. So we are left with a situation where only universities and not employers are allowed to use standardized tests like SAT's and GRE's to evaluate applicants, and universities have a near-total monopoly on credentialing applicants for jobs and costs continue to skyrocket.

There was a big drive to get universities to stop requiring standardized tests for admission and base admission entirely on other criteria, and many schools did, but it turned out that elite schools were admitting kids who had good grades through high school, but whose math and reading skills were at or below a 12-year-old level. So schools found they were unable to assess competence without standardized tests, yet employers still are legally barred from using them.


The Housing Market is Broken


American society has demanded several things out of our housing market:

  1. Provide a market so that housing is affordable
  2. Provide a market so that housing is easy to find.
  3. Provide a way to build wealth.

In our big, successful cities, the housing market has done a great job of providing service "C", except for occasional crashes, such as a nationwide crash we had in 2006-2008. A majority of voters are members of home owning households who desire nothing more than real estate values to rise, so they erect endless legal barriers to building more housing in their area.

In big successful cities like NYC, home values and rents kept rising while the supply of housing didn't rise anywhere near as fast a demand. Young people in their twenties find that they're priced out of the market and have to keep living with their parents for many years.

The legal barriers that existing homeowners have erected and maintain are so formidable that one can only cover the legal costs of obtaining the right to build by creating high-end, luxury units. Another factor that contributes to this is that local home owners and renters don't want anyone below their own level of affluence moving in near them, fearing crime and a negative impact on schools. So goals "A" and "B" are not being met, not even close.

Rent control discourages building and even results in "zombie homes", that is, homes whose landlords estimate will cost more to bring them up to a habitable level and then maintain than can be recovered by rents. In NYC in the seventies, there was a lot of rent control during a period of heavy inflation, and there were many zombie tenement buildings. Landlords would quit paying property tax on the tenements, the city would threaten to seize them, and the landlords would respond "please do" because the buildings had negative net worth. It was nearly impossible to find a decent place to live -- people would tolerate roommates they despised rather than try to find a new place to live. So while rent control helps "A" by keeping homes affordable, it hurts "B" by making homes nearly impossible to find.

Another side effect of rent control is that the rules often mean that if a tenant moves out, the landlord can charge the next tenant far more rent. This creates a situation where landlords are dying for tenants to move out, so they won't fix anything without the tenant taking them to court and getting a court order forcing the landlord to fix things. When I moved from a place did didn't have rent control to New York, which did, I was impressed by how many people were constantly taking their landlords to court. One fellow said his landlord asked him "Name a price. How much money would it take to persuade you to leave?" and the fellow refused to name one, since his rent was so far below market rates that he wouldn't be able to afford living anywhere else.

Publicly-built housing for low-income people usually has a disastrous track record of being overrun by criminals, and it is unlikely that the state is going to be more efficient at maintaining buildings than private landlords.

Federal congress passed a bill recently to make housing more affordable, and while that will help make them look good this November, it was mostly for show because nearly all the obstacles to building are at a very local level. Mayor Mamdani ran partially on an "affordability" platform but, given that:

  • his first action was rent control
  • a lot of his plans involve public-sector housing
  • any action to expand the housing supply and make homes more affordable runs contrary to the wishes of home owning households, which contain a majority of voters
  • his rhetoric in general does not show a very clear grasp of economics

he is unlikely to succeed.

2 minute video: Government resistance to building goes back a long way.